fm:\rebootFM

CAUTION: Opinions Ahead

If you’re a webcaster, inevitably when categorizing your music you’ll run into the ‘texture’ sub-heading for each track. What is texture? It’s the overall sound/feel of the track and it’s probably the most important consideration you can make save for artist separation and male/female weighted hours.

So, how does one prescribe texture? Well, consider two things the next time you dive into your library to further refine your mix;

1. INTRO - How does the track begin?
2. CHORUS - How hard, soft or middle of the road do the chorus sound?

Keep these two things in mind when retooling your library and a better sound your station will make (that’s Yoda, noob).

In my experience listening to internet radio broadcasts over the past several years, I’ve come to realize two things.

• You can tell whether the station is worth its salt after three songs. Why you ask? How can you tell? Well, if you’re listening to a classic rock station and they play classic rock for three or more songs while you listen, consider yourself lucky. Most web casters think people who listen to their station want variety. This is so far from the truth, I sometimes can’t resist sending e-mail to the owner and letting them know “how bad you suck, give it up.” If you’re a classic rock station, don’t play Linkin Park or Skid Row. If you do, you’re dismissed.

Variety is for 18-44 year old females driving Dodge Neons. And while we’re on the subject, women don’t listen to classic rock unless they have both arms tattooed, use the words “My Harley” in the occasional sentence and liken their own hair style to that of Billy Ray Cyrus fame.

Men don’t want variety. Variety scares men. That’s why men only buy white underwear. Throw color in that mix and you’ve got a revolt on your hands. Unless of course you’re a male stripper who makes frequent trips to Vegas for some extra cash. Point made.

• The majority of people who talk between songs are 18-40 year old males. I use the phrase “people who talk between songs” because these “people” are rarely broadcasters with any prior experience to offer when they crack the mic. Just bold faced stupidity in my opinion. Cracking jokes for their friends who IM’ed to say they’re “listening right now.” Not much ground breaking going on there. I digress.

Fact is, it will be years before news and advertising media take internet radio seriously and offer any real monetary incentives for quality content. Why you ask? Because Joe Bob’s got’em a high speed internet connection (the first in his trailer park), all of Skynards cd’s ripped into his $400 eMachine he got off the back of a pickup truck near the Bait and Tackle and he’s braggin’ ’bout rockin’ the south forever online. Yeehaw!

The world is filling with Joe Bob’s and Mary Jane’s who share the same delusional fantasy that everyone will love what they’re playing because it’s online.

Please, help make it stop. Please.